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Posts Tagged ‘2005’

Age: 15 years old, now 18

by anon

April 10 2005

I don’t even like him.  He’s just a friend and kind of a jackass.  But he kissed me today and I let him.  I’m mad at myself for it because I know I shouldn’t have done it.  Only he has this god awful way of making you feel special.  I never had a real boyfriend, and I don’t want him but I guess its why I let him.  I kind of want to know what its like.  Still, what the hell was I thinking.

April 21 2005
Why am I still seeing this guy?  I guess I know.  I just want to have a little fun and no other guys ever look at me.

May 5 2005
He told me he loves me.  I know he’s lying, he only want to get in my pants and he thinks a line like that will help him.  I’m dumping him.

May 13 2005
I couldn’t do it, he looked so hurt and now I still can’t.  I’ve tried 3 times now.  But one doesn’t really count since I couldn’t work up the courage to actually say anything to him.

May 14 2005
He said it again.  He seemed so sincere even though I know he’s lying.

May 30 2005
He’s leaving soon for college.  I can’t wait.  This time when he told me he loved me I couldn’t think what to say or do.  I said it back.  I don’t know if he believed me.  I think he did, the jackass.  It seems wrong to lie like that.  I’m mad at myself again.

June 3 2005
Why do my parents like this idiot so much?  I wish I could see Halley again, and that she hadn’t moved away.  I could talk to her.

June 20 2005
6 more days.  Thank god.  I won’t even bother breaking up with him, I’m just gonna ride it out till he leaves.

June 21 2005
5 more days

June 22 2005
4 more days and I can’t wait.  Except that he keeps wanting to spend time with me, keeps saying he doesn’t want it to end and what about a long-distance relationship? How do I tell him no?

June 23 2005
3 more days.  I hate myself for letting it go on this long.  I’m a coward and he doesn’t even deserve the time I’ve spent with him.

June 24 2005
2 more days.  This entire relationship has been a lie.  I can’t wait until it’s over.  please god let him forget about me and help me to find a way to never think of him again.

June 25 2005
1 more day.  He leaves tomorrow.  I’m almost happy again.  I won’t see him tomorrow so tonight is the last time.  I made it without killing him.  Thats something.

That night
He said he wants to marry me someday.  What the hell is he thinking?  We’ve been going out for a couple of months.  I’m 16, he’s 18.  And an idiot.  I was trying so hard not to laugh.  I started crying to cover it up.  Well pretending to cry anyway.  I think he was dumb enough to buy it.  I still can’t believe there were tears in his eyes.  Find someone else you jackass, if anyone will ever look twice at you.

June 26 2005
Sweet freedom.  I threw out everything he ever gave me.  And the pictures.  And that damn necklace.

June 30 2005
I’m happy.

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