Age: 15 years old, now 18
April 10 2005
I don’t even like him. He’s just a friend and kind of a jackass. But he kissed me today and I let him. I’m mad at myself for it because I know I shouldn’t have done it. Only he has this god awful way of making you feel special. I never had a real boyfriend, and I don’t want him but I guess its why I let him. I kind of want to know what its like. Still, what the hell was I thinking.
April 21 2005
Why am I still seeing this guy? I guess I know. I just want to have a little fun and no other guys ever look at me.
May 5 2005
He told me he loves me. I know he’s lying, he only want to get in my pants and he thinks a line like that will help him. I’m dumping him.
May 13 2005
I couldn’t do it, he looked so hurt and now I still can’t. I’ve tried 3 times now. But one doesn’t really count since I couldn’t work up the courage to actually say anything to him.
May 14 2005
He said it again. He seemed so sincere even though I know he’s lying.
May 30 2005
He’s leaving soon for college. I can’t wait. This time when he told me he loved me I couldn’t think what to say or do. I said it back. I don’t know if he believed me. I think he did, the jackass. It seems wrong to lie like that. I’m mad at myself again.
June 3 2005
Why do my parents like this idiot so much? I wish I could see Halley again, and that she hadn’t moved away. I could talk to her.
June 20 2005
6 more days. Thank god. I won’t even bother breaking up with him, I’m just gonna ride it out till he leaves.
June 21 2005
5 more days
June 22 2005
4 more days and I can’t wait. Except that he keeps wanting to spend time with me, keeps saying he doesn’t want it to end and what about a long-distance relationship? How do I tell him no?
June 23 2005
3 more days. I hate myself for letting it go on this long. I’m a coward and he doesn’t even deserve the time I’ve spent with him.
June 24 2005
2 more days. This entire relationship has been a lie. I can’t wait until it’s over. please god let him forget about me and help me to find a way to never think of him again.
June 25 2005
1 more day. He leaves tomorrow. I’m almost happy again. I won’t see him tomorrow so tonight is the last time. I made it without killing him. Thats something.
He said he wants to marry me someday. What the hell is he thinking? We’ve been going out for a couple of months. I’m 16, he’s 18. And an idiot. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I started crying to cover it up. Well pretending to cry anyway. I think he was dumb enough to buy it. I still can’t believe there were tears in his eyes. Find someone else you jackass, if anyone will ever look twice at you.
June 26 2005
Sweet freedom. I threw out everything he ever gave me. And the pictures. And that damn necklace.
June 30 2005